so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
