I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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