Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
