i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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