I wanna passion pit in your ass
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
