I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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