I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
