i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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