i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
