Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
