My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
