??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone came in the potted fern
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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