what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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