ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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