clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
