hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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