Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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