i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please don't give away my fajitas
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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