my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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