I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
