i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
