I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
