At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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