First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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