Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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