My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
