I need help removing her.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
