Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
