the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found puke in my bra..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
