she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
