I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
