Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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