when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
