Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
