I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
a search helicopter?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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