please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
