This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
