Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize