I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
