FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't turn off my feet"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
