I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
