spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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