sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
