dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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