you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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