Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
