yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
