who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
