What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
