I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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