just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
