i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
