the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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