the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
