I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
