My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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