this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
