It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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