You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
