It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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