the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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